Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Prompt: It wasn’t supposed to be like this

Mari walked a few feet to his left, feet shuffling on the gravel of the roadside. Sam kept glancing over at her, but she never looked his way. She walked with her head hanging low, maybe watching her feet move, but not looking ahead. Trusting him to do that, at least.

“Can I carry your pack?” He asked, trying to get any response other than a shrug. A shake of the head was less than he had hoped.

Awhile later, he saw a shadow cruise in front of them and looked up. “Look! An eagle!” He pointed toward it, hoping she would lift her head and follow his line of sight.

She did lift her head, but not to see the eagle. She looked straight ahead, not at him. Jesus? How long was she going to punish him?

“Mari, you know I had to do it,” he pleaded. “Come on, please. He wasn’t going to stop. You know what he would have done.”

She stumbled to a stop, nodding. He could see the tear tracks on her dirty face. How long since they’d had a real bath, or a shower, or a bed? Mari suddenly sank down, folding her legs into a cross-legged position in a smooth movement he couldn’t master. She dropped her head into her hands, shaking it from side to side.

“Mari, please,” Sam pleaded. “We have to keep moving if we’re going to make it to shelter by nightfall.” There had been no sign of any company on the road, but he didn’t want to risk it after the stranger had joined them at the campfire last night. He planned to find a building they could lock or fortify somehow. Please God it would have a bedroom. Running water was probably too much to ask.

She whispered something, and Sam bent closer. “What, Mari? Please talk to me.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” The despair in her voice broke his heart. Again.
Time writing
25 minutes

February word count


  1. Writing report:
    Novel editing: spot edits Ch20, more new text Ch21

    Time: ~30min

  2. I'm thinking something apocalyptic? Good (non)interplay between the two of them. Nice details about bedrooms and running water.

    POV is a bit fuzzy at the very beginning. I tend to assume POV of the first named character, but was wondering by the end of the second sentence (although Mari could have been aware of him looking at her even if she wasn't deliberately looking back), and had shifted from Mari to Sam halfway through the third.