Thanks to Alena Karavaeva for
permission to use her beautiful “Collecting the Sunlight”!
Belayna felt her flowers’
delicate pink petals quiver above her forehead. The ivy leaves wiggled with
delight on the vines coiled around her head. Sunlight!
Sliding her slender fingers
through the bark that surrounded her, she pushed up, rising into the dim, green
light that barely kept her alive through the long coldtime. She stretched her pale arms over her head and swayed, loosening muscles dormant while she had slept.
A splash of sunshine warmed her
skin, and soon it was sliding in thick ribbons through the last of the coldtime
gloom. Belayna looked around for a fat gourd, leftover from the harvest. She
found one tucked under her thick bark and plucked it from its vine. Long dried
and hollow, it cracked neatly in two halves, and she lifted them to catch the
rich, golden sunshine. Pouring it against her skin, she felt it slide under the
bark, warming her body so she could break free…
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Dogs in house
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Houdini
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Music
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Christina Perry
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January word
count
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6,119
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Writing report:
ReplyDeleteNovel editing, most of Ch18 and spot edits on Ch1 and Ch3
Time: ~1hr 20min
(I hope you don't mind me posting these somewhat cryptic updates to your blog; let me know if it's annoying!)
Happy to cheer you on, too, Anne! :)
DeleteNice sensation descriptions! One small comment -- only because I'm in editing mode and I am fixing exactly this all the time at the moment -- is that you might consider trying to use "felt" descriptors less. With limited 3rd POV, we know the MC feels it if it's mentioned, and lack of 'felt' makes it seem more immediate. Something to address in revision, though!
ReplyDeleteGreat feedback, Anne. So the 1st sentence might read, "The flowers’ delicate pink petals quiver above Belayna's forehead..."
DeleteYeah. And it goes for all sorts of sense. Once you've established a tight limited 3rd, the reader assumes what they read the MC experiences. I'm forever changing things like "She heard the bell ring." to "The bell rang."
DeleteYes, fabulous. Thanks, Anne! :)
Delete