The bar felt like small-town
America. It felt like home. Didn’t matter what town she was in. Didn’t matter
what songs played on the jukebox—they all had a steady bass the she could feel
through her feet. Everyone a stranger. Everyone friendly. Carol never felt out
of place in a place like this. She twirled the pendant on her silver chain with
one hand and swirled the mojito in her glass with the other. Both hands visible
above the bar. No one gave her a second thought, really. No one but Mike, who
was thinking of hitting on her. No one but the stranger in the doorway, who was
thinking something altogether different.
Dogs in house
|
Houdini
|
Time writing:
|
20 minutes
|
July word
count:
|
7,094
|
So there's something about Carol that I don't say. Does it come through loud and clear, or clear as mud?
ReplyDeleteI want to say yes. But since I'm starting off with "it's either..." Perhaps its not 100% clear.
ReplyDeleteIt's either she doesn't speak, or she's been on the run.
Actually, my mind sort of formulated that last one as "she's here to kill somebody, and she knows someone may try to stop her", but that just might be Siena Growing Up In A Saloon influencing my thinking. :D
OK. It's clear.
ReplyDeleteI read it a second time and all the little pieces clicked into place this time. She doesn't speak.... because she's deaf. And considering that these are the opening 2 paragraphs, I don't think you need to make that any clearer (and you definitely don't need to add more for it). Readers will pick it up later in the story if (like me) they don't put 2 & 2 together right away. But yeah, the pieces are there already, it's probably just a matter of observation.
Now, back to my other thought. If she's deaf, and is there to kill someone....double awesome! :D
Yay! Yes, she's deaf. Toying with whether that has some bigger significance (which you've now commented on the other post). Thanks for the feedback!
Delete