Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Prompt: Mojito, squeeze, pendant, doorway, grime (use at least 3 of these)

Carol cupped her chin in her palm and watched the bartender—Mike, he had spelled out for her with a flashing grin—make another mojito. He crushed the mint leaves with a pestle and tossed them in the tall glass, followed by a scoop of crushed ice. He poured the rum, glanced up at her, then tilted the bottle for another pour. It drained over the ice and swirled with the simple syrup. A handful of blackberries bled purple color into the sweet concoction. Mike topped it with a little umbrella and slid it to rest directly in front of her. She gave a lopsided smile and touched her fingers to her lips in thanks.

The bar felt like small-town America. It felt like home. Didn’t matter what town she was in. Didn’t matter what songs played on the jukebox—they all had a steady bass the she could feel through her feet. Everyone a stranger. Everyone friendly. Carol never felt out of place in a place like this. She twirled the pendant on her silver chain with one hand and swirled the mojito in her glass with the other. Both hands visible above the bar. No one gave her a second thought, really. No one but Mike, who was thinking of hitting on her. No one but the stranger in the doorway, who was thinking something altogether different.

Dogs in house
Time writing:
20 minutes
July word count:


  1. So there's something about Carol that I don't say. Does it come through loud and clear, or clear as mud?

  2. I want to say yes. But since I'm starting off with "it's either..." Perhaps its not 100% clear.

    It's either she doesn't speak, or she's been on the run.

    Actually, my mind sort of formulated that last one as "she's here to kill somebody, and she knows someone may try to stop her", but that just might be Siena Growing Up In A Saloon influencing my thinking. :D

  3. OK. It's clear.

    I read it a second time and all the little pieces clicked into place this time. She doesn't speak.... because she's deaf. And considering that these are the opening 2 paragraphs, I don't think you need to make that any clearer (and you definitely don't need to add more for it). Readers will pick it up later in the story if (like me) they don't put 2 & 2 together right away. But yeah, the pieces are there already, it's probably just a matter of observation.

    Now, back to my other thought. If she's deaf, and is there to kill someone....double awesome! :D

    1. Yay! Yes, she's deaf. Toying with whether that has some bigger significance (which you've now commented on the other post). Thanks for the feedback!